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Dec. 12th, 2012

Hi! ♥

Something told me I should have a profile post. About time now, I've had this journal for years :)

This journal has turned out to be mostly about things that occupy my thoughts. I'm on LJ for fangirl-related reasons, but I almost never write about fandom.

I like:

* Reading (I read all the time)
* SM Entertainment (yeah, all their artists and idolgroups so far)
* Fringe knowledge (I want to know how the world works)
* Popular culture (most of it is fascinating to me)
* Music (I'll listen to almost anything as long as it's good)
* Spirituality (Life is so much more than we sometimes think)

I tend not to friends-lock my entries, but if you want to friend me, go right ahead :D However, please write something unless you want to be creepy (which is totally OK, by the way) XD

I also appear on twitter: twitter.com/water59

Aug. 24th, 2011

I'm so tired, LOL

I woke up at 3 am, as usual. Mostly I can go back to sleep if I change my position, but that didn’t happen this time. Instead, I felt really warm and I was covered in sweat. It was impossible to fall asleep like that, but I didn’t want to disturb the people I live with, so I tried to will myself to sleep.

It didn’t work.

At 4 am I got out of bed, went to the bathroom and wandered around a bit in the hopes of cooling down. Then I went back to bed. 15 minutes or so later, I was sweating again and started to think I had a fever or something.

I was feeling restless.

In the end, I got up again, walked into the living room and opened the door to the balcony.

The night air was so smooth and fragrant and it felt so refreshing to just stand there and take slow, deep breaths… It was very warm outside, I thought, which surprised me since it's almost autumn already.

By the time I had cooled down a bit, stopped sweating and started feeling sleepy, it was almost time to get up anyway, so I started reading.

Now I’m really tired, extra sensitive to sounds and pretty loopy. I don't think I have done anything to be proud of today XD

Aug. 5th, 2011

How to be an adult without having to "grow up"

Don’t stop doing things you enjoy just because you suspect that “someone” thinks you are “too old” to do them.

If you still enjoy something, there is no reason to stop enjoying it.

Sometimes, I encounter these thoughts in my own head. They freak me out because I don’t want to be an ageist. I sometimes think things like:

- Maybe I shouldn’t wear this, I’m too old for it.

- Is it still OK for me to do this?

- I should start doing this, I'm an adult.

- Do people think I'm weird because I'm not married and because I'm child free? 

Such thoughts are disturbing to me. Like someone outside of me is trying to dictate how I should behave and how my life should be lived. Based on my age of all things.

It really makes me want to punch myself in the face LOL

Also, that “someone” in the first sentence… who is that?
Most likely, it’s no one important. I don't want to be sucked into caring about their fear-based crap.

Once in a while a younger person tells me that they have never met an adult who [insert some harmless, but slightly youthful activity, like listening to k-pop]. They always seem slightly amazed, but positive. So I guess it's the older people who have instilled these restricting, evil thoughts into my head. Nuts to them! >_<

It's my birthday in a few days. Pretty soon I'll be old enough to be called an "eccentric" instead of a "weirdo". Only 30 more years or so... I'll look forward to it!

Jul. 18th, 2011

Sound sensitivity

After having a mildly unnerving experience of very nearly freaking out in a lecture hall with 60 people talking at once, I decided that I had to try to find out what could cause sound sensitivity. One article I read said it happens to people who are having withdrawal symptoms after using heavy drugs.

That clearly wasn’t the case. I had to keep looking.

After reading about other people with the same kind of experiences, I found a long list of what they called “ascension symptoms”. That’s how I found out there was something called ascension.

It just feels weird. "I'm going through ascension". There is no way anyone would take that kind of thing seriously. I don't even take it seriously, and it's happening to me. -_-

Jun. 9th, 2011


So that's what he has been using to communicate with me.

I remember the first time I got a rose. It was a rainy day and I had to go to the post office. I was feeling really down that day - I had been having conflicts with several people around me and I wondered how I would cope with the unfamiliar situation I had gotten myself into. I walked along the sidewalk, avoiding the puddles, lost in thoughts about my current situation. The rain seemed to emphasize the gloomy mood I was in.

I wanted to burst into tears.

Then I saw it. A perfect, beautiful, bright red rose. In the grey surroundings it seemed to almost glow. I picked it up and instantly this wonderful feeling of joy and love came over me. I just knew I was loved beyond measure.

I felt awkward, not really sure if I deserved this kind of attention, but immensely thankful. I carried the rose with me the whole day, smiling every time I looked at it. My co-workers seemed to think I was weird - or that I had some secret admirer - but I didn't care.

I was in love, for real, for the first time ever.

Jun. 2nd, 2011

Wrong conclusions

The times I catch myself reaching the wrong conclusions I usually want to hit myself over the head with something hard and tell myself not to be stupid.

Apparently not all people feel the same way. They just keep repeating those wrong conclusions in eternity.

To each their own, I guess. I hope they don't get too shocked when they find out how utterly wrong they have been all this time.

Apr. 30th, 2011

Consideration for other people...

…would solve a lot of problems. I’m sure you can think of plenty of situations where some consideration for others would make everything a bit nicer.

Here’s my example.

Dear neighbors,

If you don’t want people to complain about your choice of music, don’t play it loud enough for everyone to hear.

Because honestly, any music that wakes me up in the middle of the night is going to be absolutely horrible. I don’t care that it’s your favorite song or that you have lots of great memories from the 80s. It still sounds horrible at 1 am.

Just let me sleep. I need it.

This makes me sound like a total bore. But I'll make sure to prove that I'm not a boring person by partying some other night, when you want to sleep. We are all such fun people, aren't we? We have no idea how to enjoy ourselves without disturbing others! :D

Actually, I do enjoy myself. Immensely, every day. More days than you seem to enjoy yourself, actually. It's just that my kind of enjoyment doesn't require breaking glass, shouting random crap on the streets in the middle of the night and playing loud music.


Well, Universe seems to be kind enough to grant me a whole night of wonderful, uninterrupted sleep once every two months. I guess it all evens out in the end somehow.

Apr. 13th, 2011

TVXQ, JYJ and SME... and CreBeau

After some research, this is how I understand this whole issue:

* JYJ wanted to sell some suspicious overpriced moisturizer made from processed sheep’s placenta using TVXQ’s name thinking that their fans would buy anything with their name on it.

* Obviously SME didn’t care much for that plan, as they probably prefer the name TVXQ to be associated with singing and dancing rather than cosmetics made from body parts. (Yeah, I know that it's legally OK to use sheep's placenta in moisturizers, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it or want to smear it on the only face I have, thank you.)

* TVXQ broke up because of JYJ (and possibly their parents and other random relatives), not CreBeau.

* If JYJ had paid the penalty for breaking their contract, they would have been free to do whatever they wanted from The Beginning (see what I did there? XD). But they chose to try to save their asses by calling the contracts unfair and spreading lies about SME and their former friends Yunho and Changmin.

* TVXQ continue doing what they should: They sing and dance, now as two members. They are doing an awesome job.

* JYJ continue with their careers, writing songs, having concerts, releasing photobooks. It's all good.

* JYJ’s fans talk about how JYJ’s ‘human rights’ are being violated. Somehow I find it hard to believe that ‘human rights’ include appearing on Korean TV and selling moisturizer. But whatever.
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Apr. 7th, 2011

Life in between what was and what will be

The only problem I have at the moment is that I have accomplished every goal I had, or thought I had. I got the master's degree, which was like the ultimate goal for me. I have successfully proved to society that I have jumped through all the hoops even though statistics say it should have been impossible for someone like me.

Not having something to work for, look forward to or strive to achieve feels strange and empty, somehow.

I'm sure I will find something else to do with my energy sooner or later, I just feel a bit lost right now.

Apr. 3rd, 2011

Another way to stay sane in K-pop fandom:

Maybe this one is the most important:

Don't call anything or anyone your oppa.
This is easily achieved by being older than any of your idols.

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